Posted by: Arthur337 | November 10, 2008

Bond never Dies

Dear James Bond movie soon-to-be directors,

I just watched Bond’s latest movie and I have something to say you guys. I don’t care how much danger or how many enemies with laser-assisted bazookas you throw at the action hero, you won’t create any sense of excitement or suspense to the audience.

Why? Because if the freaking action hero is the lead character of the movie, especially the legendary James Bond, he can’t die! Perhaps it could be a heroic death at the end for sad ending, but in the middle of the movie, the lead character can’t die no matter how impossible the scenario is. You can strap James bond to a detonating nuclear bomb with 4 seconds remaining, but none would be at the edge of the seat wondering if the bomb would go off.

You know what makes Batman’s The Dark Knight so exciting and full of suspense? Because almost the entire movie Joker was killing everyone and anyone but Batman himself. Chances of an unnamed character being killed by Joker just for fun? 80%. Chances of James Bond being killed when surrounded by 1000 soldiers equipped with laser-guided bazookas? It’s a ZERO (yawn) freaking percent.

Okay, what else I was expecting from a James Bond movie.

Fancy cars? Only at the beginning.
Exotic places? More like slums mostly throughout the movie.
Beautiful women? Again, nothing worth mentioning.
High tech weaponry? Propeller planes and pistols do not qualify
James Bond charm and witty lines? He is an emotionally broken spy

In other words, Quantum of Solace – FAIL


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